Wrap-on-sale

Once there was a hippy couple living in a little neighbourhood. They had peaceful neighbours and lots of trees in their garden. They were very happy and very concerned about the environment.

One day, someone moved into the house behind theirs. Being good neighbours and all, the hippy couple went to welcome whoever it was.

When the reached the house, the couple, Steve and Peace, smoothed out their long, flowing locks and adjusted their embroidered headbands. As well as loving peace, they loved neatness.

When the door opened, Steve and Peace were a bit surprised. It was an old lady with the stereotyped evil witch look with gunky white hair and a wart on her crooked nose. She wore a loose black gown-and-hood and she had a sort of cackly laugh.

Steve and Peace were alarmed at the sight of her. They forced their smiles and held out their plate of organic wild rice with a sauce of organic broccolis and goat cheese to her.

The old lady sniffed and shook her head rudely. "Sorry, but I'm lactose intolerant and a lover of unhealthy foods such as sweets and deep fried potatoes."

Steve was very shocked. "No organics, then?" he asked. The woman scowled and grunted.

"Well, we'll keep that then." Peace said hurriedly, hoping the woman did not despise them already. "Are you adjusting well to the neighbourhood?"

The woman glared at the couple, thinking them very strange and infuriatingly nosy. "No. The only thing good about this place is all the sunlight. At least global warming will come quickly and kill us all."

Steve gasped. "You totally don't like the earth, check?" The woman scowled even more and wished them both in bed with measles.

"I'm busy." she said, avoiding the question. "Leave me alone." The hippy couple shrugged and left, Steve glad because he could eat the rice, and Peace troubled because the woman was so frightening.

A few months later, Peace found that she was pregnant. "I'm gonna be a father, man." Steve boasted to all his friends at the Tree Hugging monthly club meeting.

When Steve was at meetings, Peace liked to walk around the garden daily and hug each of the trees. She enjoyed looking at the neighbour's' gardens too.

One day, on her daily walks, Peace noticed a beautiful vegetable plant in the old woman's garden. Also, like all most pregnant women, Peace had cravings. She craved the vegetables in the garden. She decided to ask Steve to get some for her, since she did not dare talk to the old woman.

So when Steve came home, he went to climb over the fence. Since he wasn't very agile, and his headband fell off, he crashed into her garden clumsily.

When he tried to get up, he jerked his head because his long hair was under his knee. "Yowch, man!" he blurted.

He pulled his hair out of the way and crawled toward the plant. He pulled off a large leafy bunch and crawled back, bumping into something knobbly and painful.

He looked up and screamed. The old woman was glaring so fiercely at him that he thought his eyebrows were going to disappear.

He stood up. "I'm sorry, ma-- woman. My wife is very hungry and she won't eat anything else! She's going to have a baby and I'm desperate!"

The woman held her gaze, her eyes as angry as ever. "You two are menaces! But since you want the plant so much, I'll give it to you regularly... for a price."

Steve gulped. "What, woman?" he said softly.

"You'll give your child to me when you die!" The woman declared, her voice ringing through the trees. "Do you promise?"

Steve, an impetuous and cowardly man, gave in. He tumbled back into his garden and gave his wife the leaves. Peace ate them up ravenously. Then Steve told her the consequences.

Peace, being a woman who lived up to her name, nodded slowly and shrugged. "I doubt we'll die soon." she said.

When her child was born, it was a little boy. The couple named their child Wrap-on-sale, because they loved recyclable plastic wrap sales as much as they loved being neat.

The child grew up to be a hippy, like his parents, and he let his hair grow until his knees. His parents were very proud of him.

Now Peace, even after 10 years of motherhood, still craved the beautiful vegetable plant. She ate only the plant and her hair grew long and luscious.

The whole family loved the vegetable and ate it all the time. They became addicts. Then, one day, on Steve and Peace's shared 30th birthday, they ate the vegetables and then died suddenly.

Wrap-on-sale was very scared. He ran into the neighbour's garden and bawled out the story. They buried Steve and Peace and took care of Wrap-on-sale.

When everything was sorted out, they found out that Wrap-on-sale was legal custody of Lind Harriet, a.k.a. the old woman.

Wrap-on-sale packed his bags and went to his new house. It was a house that he had never visited. He had only seen the house from the back when the family had picnics' in the garden.

Wrap-on-sale was nervous. He didn't really want to stay there. He didn't even know the old woman! But stay there he did, and he got used to the old woman.

The woman became a sort of aunt to him. She was strict and serious, but she treated the boy well so Wrap-on-sale was never really tortured.

One day, when Wrap-on-sale was 16, Lind Harriet, a.k.a. the old woman, sent him to 'boarding school'. Or so it seemed to the neighbours. In truth, Wrap-on-sale was sent to live in a big tower in a faraway land, bordered by a large forest.

There was a big glass bubble lift to go up and down, but you could only use it if you had a key. The old woman wore one around her neck, and kept a few in her house, so poor Wrap-on-Sale was stuck.

Now the old woman's purpose of keeping Wrap-on-Sale was to make money. Wrap-on-Sale had such gorgeous hair, and the old woman decided to take advantage of it.

Every day, she would feed Wrap-on-Sale the plant, and his hair would grow longer and healthier. She would chop off a fair amount, make it into a wig, and then she would sell it online.

The wig business was doing very well, and the old woman was making a lot of money. Recently she had renovated her house and added in a canopy bed with matching bedsheets. She was living the life. She even hired someone to get the hair for her.

But she had to be careful. She must never ever ever feed the plant to Wrap-on-sale after his 30th birthday. The plant had kind of malfunctioned when she was creating it in her make shift lab. She had accidentally spilled some coffee on it so it was a bit faulty.

If she fed Wrap-on-Sale the plant after or on his 30th birthday, he would either die instantly or he would stop producing gorgeous hair. But she didn't worry. She was always careful.

One day, after getting his daily haircut, Wrap-on-Sale was sitting in his tower, playing his banjo and singing sadly. He wanted to save trees. He wanted to be free. He sighed and sang again. Then he stopped. He heard something.

He looked out his window and gasped. It was a girl! "What are you doing here?" he asked. The girl climbed through the window and smiled at him.

"Hello. I'm Eva." Wrap-on-Sale was excited. He was already 20, and he had never met any girls in a long time.

"Hi. I'm Wrap-on-Sale." Wrap-on-Sale said proudly. Eva wrinkled her nose. "What a funny name!" she said. "But it's cute."

The two sat down to talk. They talked about the old lady's plans. Wrap-on-Sale learned that Eva was a a rock climber, a pescetarian, an animal rights activist and an environmentalist.

Wrap-on-Sale felt she was the perfect girl. She wasn't very pretty, but Wrap-on-Sale loved that she was a bit like him.

Eva liked Wrap-on-Sale too. She thought he was funny and weird and kind. The two became best friends and Eva visited him when she had the chance.

After 2 years of a great friendship, Eva fell in love with him. The other guys she had always seen were rich and arrogant. Wrap-on-Sale was kind and caring and in a way, sort of normal.

Then, Wrap-on-Sale fell in love with Eva. But they were a bit to shy to tell each other so they waited. Soon, Wrap-on-Sale couldn't hold it in much longer. He confessed his love for Eva. Eva confessed too, and they felt a slight bit awkward.

They did not do anything to pursue a romantic relationship lest they break each others hearts, but they stayed good friends and continued to love each other.

Then, one day, the old woman found out. She filled in the window and forced Wrap-on-Sale to watch while she cut down a tree. Wrap-on-Sale was so sad!

Poor Eva could not visit Wrap-on-Sale any longer. She was heartbroken. She wondered if Wrap-on-Sale was lonely. She decided to go rock climbing to feel better. But it made her feel worse when she recalled the times when she climbed up to meet Wrap-on-Sale in his tower.

One day, Eva had a brainwave! She had a plan on getting Wrap-on-Sale out of the tower. She wanted to save him.

Eva decided to examine the keyhole. To her great delight, she found it was a common type of keyhole with a cheap key that could be obtained anywhere. So Eva went to the hardware shop and bought the key.

Eva waited until the old woman had finished visiting Wrap-on-Sale before she tried out the key. After wiggling the key a bit, she went up the lift and greeted a surprised but ecstatic Wrap-on-Sale.

They hugged each other and Eva told him her plan. Wrap-on-Sale thought it was a good plan, but he felt very used to living in a tower and he felt he would miss the place. Eva agreed with him; the tower was now a cozy place.

Eva went home and decided to think about the whole situation. Then she wondered why Wrap-on-Sale's parents died on their 30th birthday. Maybe it was the stuff that Wrap-on-Sale eats all the time. She thought.

Eva decided to investigate. She took at map to the old woman's house from Wrap-on-Sale and went to spy on the woman. She brought her video camera to try and catch the old woman. Eva had a feeling the old woman wasn't to be trusted.

The old woman was making tea in the kitchen. Eva watched her, making sure she wasn't seen. The woman then put the beautiful plant into the tea. She giggled and stirred the liquid in the teapot.

Eva watched intently. Someone rang at the door. The old woman went to answer it. To Eva's surprise, it was her cousin! He worked at a bank. Eva wondered what the old woman was going to do.

The old woman brought out a tray with two pretty china teacups with a matching teapot on it. The teapot was steaming and Eva's heart was pounding. The old woman set a cup of tea in fron of Eva's cousin.

Eva's cousin sipped the tea. Eva wanted to scream, but she watched carefully. Her cousin stared at the old woman and flopped onto the floor, having slight spasms.

Eva gasped, and realizing she was too loud, ran away. She called the police and showed them her video. They were shocked, and they went to find the old woman.

They captured her in her garden and arrested her, after finding the plant and it's 'manual'. Eva rejoiced with Wrap-on-Sale and they held a big party.

Of course Eva mourned for her cousin. She wasn't a heartless girl.

Eva didn't get to carry out her plan, but she caught the old woman, so who cared now?

Anyway, Eva and Wrap-on-Sale got married, lived in the tower (after changing the lock, of course) and they lived hippily ever after. (No lame rhyming intended)

THE END