Frederick the Count

So for my book I got a bit bored so I decided to make one of my characters write a cheesy romance. Though it's not so much a cheesy romance as much as a really bad one.

I decided on posting it here, since this blog doesn't receive as much love from me as before. However, this story may very well just lower the overall known standard of my writing, but whatever, you be the judge.

Dedicated to my sister Christen Koh, lover of romance and other weird things.

One fine day, as Frederick the Count was pacing in the strawberry fields, he noticed a girl at the river. “Why, what is that person doing?” he asked himself, as was his habit. “I know everyone from around here, so whoever could she be?”

He hurried over to the river to take a closer look, but alas! When he arrived, she was nowhere to be found. He noted that it was very strange and that he needed to find out who she was. She seemed to be quite beautiful.

The next day, he went to the strawberry fields again. After pacing for about 40 minutes, he saw the girl again. He squinted at her and saw that she was doing nothing. She was sitting, and she was staring, but her hands seemed to be idle and her legs were absolutely still.

Frederick the Count stared at her as he went closer. He did not want her to get out of sight. However, when he arrived, she was not there at all!

“I am seeing a mirage,” he said.

“No you are not” a voice replied from behind him.

Frederick the Count turned around and came face to face with the girl. She was lovely, and he felt himself go weak in the knees. Never before had he seen such beauty on a woman.

“Excuse me; may I know your name?” Frederick asked gallantly.

“Why should I tell you? You are just a stranger.”

She was feisty. Frederick the Count smiled.

“Why, I am not just a stranger, I am a count. Allow me to introduce myself. Frederick the Count at your service.” He bowed, using the suavity that he tried out only on the most special women.

The girl clutched at her throat, seemingly touched. “Well, I suppose I will have to see you again if you want to know my name,” the girl returned, suddenly walking off.

Frederick the Count grabbed at her hand and stopped her. “Please do not leave. I must know your name,” he said desperately. “No” was all she said. She then pulled away from his grip and ran away, being too quick for the Count.

Frederick the Count could not wait to see the lovely maiden again. He recalled her lovely brown eyes and wavy chocolate hair. She was perfection itself. He could not stop thinking about her. All day long he dreamed about learning her name. He dared not even guess what it could be. He already knew that it would be something that would amaze him greatly.

The following day, he went out to the strawberry fields to meet her. At 7 a.m. he was there, but there was no sign of the charming girl. He waited until midnight to see her but she never came.

The next day and the day after that he did the same thing. He went to the fields in the early morning and waited until midnight for her, but the lovely girl was nowhere to be found.

On the fourth day Frederick the Count wept. He was afraid for himself. He knew that he already was so in love with the girl, that even if she never came back, he would never stop going to the strawberry fields every day. His devotion touched even his assistant’s hard heart. It was amazing.

Finally, on the fifth day, Frederick the Count saw his maiden at the river. With screams of joy he ran towards her.

“My love, oh my beautiful love, I have found you at last,” he said happily, holding her in his arms. “Where were you whilst I searched?”

The girl smiled into his face, tears in her eyes.

“I was testing you. Only if you had really loved me you would have come unceasingly, and you have. Did you think of me always, my dear Frederick?” The girl smiled amidst her wet eyes.

“Oh, my love!” Frederick the Count exclaimed, wiping away her glistening tears. “If thoughts were mere glances, I was staring at you the whole time.”

The two embraced passionately, and Frederick the Count kissed her gently.

“I love you, and I love you. Will you marry me, my beautiful love?”

“Oh Frederick! I never thought that you would love me so deeply! Yes, yes, a million times yes, I could never say no to love’s happy ending.”

The two kissed deeply again, and they walked off happily into the sunset, ready to plan a beautiful life together.

The End.

(By the way if you were wondering, her name is Bianca. I just thought of that. Isn't that a pretty name?)

unfortunacy

WRITERS BLOCK

Cucumbers

Once there was a morbidly self-obsessed girl named Opal. Tall, thin, and quite unstable, she had frequent dizzy spells and random fainting fits. She was quite scary in actuality. But then, this story isn't about her; no, it is about the curious man who lived next door.

His name was Oliver, a kind, quiet, even handsome sort of man. Or at least that was what he seemed like on the surface. No one really knew him. Even his surname and other particulars were not made known to the public.

He seemed friendly, but no one dared to call on him or even wave hello. He was kind, but rather threatening. No one felt easy around him, and some even speculated crime and drug usage to be in his past.

They were almost correct about Oliver's strange disposition, but in everything else they were very deadly wrong.

Oliver was actually the second-in-line prince of the land, who had come looking for a wife from a little town. Commoners attracted him, and he wanted to marry a sweet, responsible, frank woman with good character and a quite possibly a very beautiful face.

But then, these things are very hard to do, especially when you're an undercover prince in a foreign town where people think you're mentally deranged. It was difficult, but Oliver had learned to adapt to these naturally upsetting things.

Now Oliver, (whose real name was Henry Roberto Thomas John II) had been thinking about this girl named Georgiana, a rich girl with good prospects and a pleasant temperament to match. Georgiana was almost his dream girl.

Oliver had watched her go to school every morning, where she would go to teach the children English and sewing. Oliver loved her dark red hair, glittering green eyes, creamy complexion and tinkling laugh. All the normal fluffy stuff guys interest themselves in.

But she did have a pleasing figure and a lovely countenance. She was almost perfect, and Oliver was mad about her. He could never stop thinking about her. He wanted to marry her, but there was one downside to all his planned wooing. Everyone in town was afraid of him.

Oliver was so tempted to reveal his identity but that was a bit too risky. Maybe people would make false declarations of love or assume artificial friendships. Another downside to this would be the ensuing vanquishing of his freedom.

Oliver was quite stupid I suppose; he wasn't much of a planner, as this situation proves. Well anyway, Oliver finally decided to go ahead and court Georgiana. He wasn't sure how to do it, but he resolved that he should carry out this trying task.

So on the nearest morning of a school day, Oliver waited in his garden to greet his lovely lady. He spotted her from afar, and he so he quickly practiced some suave facial expressions. But alas! Opal, his neighbour, spotted him and went to ask him a question about vegetables.

"How do you get your tomatoes to be so red?" Opal asked, her monotonous voice scratching the insides of Oliver's ears.

"I don't grow tomatoes," Oliver stated quickly, turning his head so that he would be facing Georgiana when she came. But still, Opal was quite unaware of this.

"You grow capsicums," she said.
"Mm," Oliver said, glancing at the ground for a second.
"How do you grow those?" Opal asked.
"I don't know."
"But- they're in your garden."
"So they are."
"Are you going to tell me how you grow them are are you going to stare at Miss Georgiana the whole time?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"Mm."
"You like Miss Georgiana."
"Mm."
"You like Miss Georgiana?"
"Yes!" Impatiently.
"You like Miss Georgiana!"
"HAVEN'T WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THE FACT THAT I LIKE MISS GEORGIANA?!" Oliver screamed.

Georgiana looked at Oliver shyly before hurrying away, embarrassed. Oliver was extremely humiliated. He glared at Opal and stormed into his house.

His plans had failed, and Opal was to blame. His anger flamed as he stewed in his living room. Opal; stupid, asinine, interfering, careless Opal. He clenched his fists and punched his table.

Then he stood up and when to his room to contemplate his sorry life. It didn't do him any good. He was still angry, and he wanted to do something drastic. He sorted it out in his head, and he was very very sure that Opal would not get in the way of these plans.

So for the rest of the day, he tried on all his black tight clothes and finally found the right pair of jeggings and turtleneck. He looked kind of weird, but he was quite sure that no one would see him.

At 9 p.m., Oliver set out from his house and crept over to Georgiana's house. He knew her bedroom window and he peeked in. Georgiana was lying on her bed and writing in her diary. She was the kind of person who would read aloud whatever she wrote, so Oliver had the privilege of knowing what was on her mind.

"...It was very strange today, when I was walking to school and I heard Mr. Oliver declare that he likes me. I don't know what to make of that though. He is handsome and quite amiable, but he quite scares me. There's something so formidable about him. Also I don't know if Mamma would let me marry him, for he's so poor!" At this Georgiana closed her book and went to brush her hair.

Oliver sighed happily. He felt he had made the right choice. He felt so enamoured by Georgiana's innocent and truthful speech. He then remembered his plan, and he was justified in his heart. "I'm doing the right thing," he thought confidently.

He jumped off the tree he was sitting in and ran all the way back to his house. When he was in his garden he glanced at Opal's cottage and shuddered. "I'm doing the right thing," he told himself.

Oliver ran into his house and grabbed an axe, a shovel and a packet of chloroform wet wipes. He was very afraid about what he was going to do but he was very determined to carry out his task.

He ran out and in about 5 hours, he completed his task. His hands were very dirty and very bloody but it was worth it. He was shaking very hard. He hoped no one would be too angry with him. He dropped into his bed with a heavy heart, anxious about what people would say.

The next morning, he was woken up very early by a great knocking on his door. He rushed downstairs, half-asleep. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a very irate Opal.

"WHAT IS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND MISS GEORGIANA??" she demanded. Oliver peered outside and looked at his garden lawn. He couldn't help but laugh.

"YES, I WILL MARRY YOU!" were the words written across his lawn in broken branches and various leaves and roots.

"She must've hurt her delicate hands from all the cutting!" Oliver exclaimed, glancing at Opal's now bare lawn save for the glaringly obvious large brown holes of uprooted trees.

"You should be glad you didn't touch my pumpkins! Those are the only vegetables I can properly grow in my garden!" Opal shouted.

Oliver ignored her. Georgiana was now walking towards his house. He proceeded towards her and breaking out into a run, he broke out into a big smile.

Georgiana ran too, faster, until the two of them met together in a crushing embrace. "I don't care whether Mamma lets me marry you! I suddenly love you!" Georgiana declared. Oliver laughed and kissed her face, too intoxicated with excitement to care about his big secret anymore.

"Georgiana, I've got something to tell you," Oliver said. "What is it, dearest?" Georgiana asked, resting her head against his chest.

"I am not actually named Oliver," he said nervously. Georgiana looked at him, surprised. "I am truly Henry Roberto Thomas John the Second! I am the second in line for the throne!" Georgiana looked at him and laughed.

"Oh Oliver, I don't care! I'm just overwhelmed with my strange, overflowing love for you!" Georgiana exclaimed, in her frank, innocent way. Oliver laughed, his fears relieved. He kissed her again and they two of them embraced there in the middle of the road, ignorant and oblivious to the world outside their very own.

Opal stomped her foot at them and ran home, despairing over the present condition of her barely-thriving potatoes.

So I can safely say, with the exception of Opal and the landscape crew, they all lived quite sweetly ever after. The End.

Yellow yarn

"Hello everyone! I am Rocky the clown! You want to see some magic tricks?" The children screamed. "Yes, yes we do!" they chorused.

Rocky pulled a bouquet of flowers out of his box. "Beautiful!" he exclaimed. The children laughed, fairly amused.

A flock of doves flew out of the clown's box. "Oh dear!" he shouted, while the children giggled madly. The clown gave a sad face and bumbled about while the crowd voiced their immense pleasure.

Meanwhile, somewhere at the back of the swarming crowd of toddlers and parents, a curious young lady stared. She was very interested in this little show.

She slowly pushed through the crowd and went nearer as her heart thump-thump-thumped. She blushed as the clown looked all around, once looking straight at her.

She grabbed a seat near the front and looked at the clown, fascinated. She couldn't understand why she was feeling so flushed and nervous.

Then she realised. The girl was amazed. She was in love. Oh dear. With a clown? What would her dear mother say? For a moment she was afraid. Then she looked at him again, and her heart fluttered.

After the show was over, she looked around frantically for him. This is madness, she told herself. She was in love with a clown? What was so wonderful about him?

She thought it over in her head. He had a nice voice, and his shirt was cute. Other than that..? She couldn't understand why, but she loved him so.

Then, she spotted him by the desserts table. With her heart beating ever-so-quickly, she approached him. She was blushing quite terribly.

"Hello," she said shyly. Rocky looked at her and smiled.
"Hello there! What's your name?" She blushed.
"My name is Barbara." she replied.
"Aww, how cute! Want a balloon?" Barbara's heart fluttered.
"Sure. I mean, yes. Please."

Rocky laughed and pulled a pink balloon out of his large shirt pocket. He pumped it up and sculpted a poodle. He handed it to Barbara and gave her a sticker with it.

Barbara giggled nervously. Was he trying to say something to her? She moved closer to him. Rocky raised his eyebrow.

"You want another balloon?" he asked. Barbara shook her head and pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, smiling sweetly in a nervous manner. Rocky looked at her, his eyes wide open.

"Are you...?" He made motions with his hands. Barbara gulped. Could he... tell?

"You're funny." Barbara said, her voice shaking slightly. Rocky looked uncomfortable. "I like your-- doublet."

Rocky was feeling a little creeped out. "Umm, I--"

Barbara smiled, a great big smile, displaying rows of lightly yellowed teeth. "I liked your, uh show. It was... cute."

Rocky gave her a stern look. "How old are you really?" Barbara licked her lips. "Not much younger than you," she giggled.

Rocky was losing his patience, and his hunger was killing him. "Please tell me now." Barbara closed her eyes for a few seconds.

"Fifteen," she said finally. Rocky wrinkled his nose. "I'm eleven years older than you," he said, quite disgusted.

Barbara smiled slightly. "That's okay," she whispered. Rocky glared at her, his stomach rumbling. "You are too young and too immature for me. Please leave me alone and go back to your mother."

Barbara was taken aback. "But--" Rocky put out his hand to stop her. "Please," he said.

Barbara's eyes filled with tears. Was the clown rejecting her? She started to sob. "But-- I-- You-- We-- My mother-- This--" Rocky removed his gaze from, and Barbara abruptly turned and ran, her heart aching painfully.

Her first ever rejection! From a clown no less! Barbara sat by a large white pillar and wept, her eyes and feelings hurting from all her recently inflicted pain.

How could she ever love another now? Barbara looked down into her lap and wiped away the tears from her eyes. All hope had been lost, and would be so from now on until the end of time.

Misery's diary

I'm an idiot for believing that he shall ever return. No, he's gone, and it's all my fault. I was far too careless with my words. Cassie's always scolding me, calling me thick and useless. Dania tells me that I'm too unaware. So yes, I agree that I am those unpleasant things, and more. I hate myself for being so stupid.

Then, of course, there's this whole issue of missing him. I'm disallowing my worthless self from missing him. He was Dania's, anyway. I mean, she did dump him, and he was never mine--only almost--so I am not allowed to retain any more wistful sentiments in regards to him.

I did fancy that I loved him, and he me, but those were silly thoughts. He was still mad about Dania, and was I just--oh my, yes--the rebound girl. Oh no. To think I believed that he was interested in me.

Oh I am a reckless fool. Like as if he would care for ugly, senseless me. I never struck his fancy in the least. Oh all those times we talked. I thought we were going somewhere. What a pretty little mess I had been making. Oh asinine me.

But there. I need to stop dwelling in the past. I was a fool, and he left. End of story.

Oh that fateful day. I know where I went so horrible wrong. I now know. I really am a senseless fool. I should never ever ever in 3 billion centuries have mentioned that offensive little word, but I did, and I shan't ever forgive myself.