Report of an argument

To: The Principal
From: Jasper Esmerelda Horace-Jones
Subject: Argument
Date: 29 January 2009

I was jogging in the hallway trying to lose weight when I came across a loud crowd. I made my way through and to my surprise, it was the school's most famous best friend forever group, the 'Famous Fabulous Five.'

It consisted of Marcy May, top baby-sitter, Bob Benny, world record corn eater, Deeny Dun, the school's garden expert, Cool Cara, the winner of the hottest female student poll, and Todd, the richest and most popular student.

Usually they attracted attention, but what surprised me was that they were arguing! The triple F Best Friends forever club members never fought. It was their policy.

I decided to stay and I soon found out that Deeny Dun, had stolen Bob Benny's corn paste and shared it with Cool Cara. But Cool Cara had told Marcy May and now Todd was siding with Deeny Dun.

They screamed and berated until Todd punched Bob Benny's soft stomach flab and he keeled over. Girls screamed loudly. Then more chaos ensued.

Cool Cara accidentally stepped on Marcy May's new leather sneakers and they started yelling at each other. Then Bob Benny body slammed Deeny Dun and she fell over and destroyed Todd's brand new hairstyle.

Todd started shouting at Deeny Dun and then he gave her a bloody nose. Deeny Dun fell back and collided with Marcy May. Marcy May then scolded Deeny Dun for staining her new designer blouse with blood.

Marcy May said, "Just because you're a garden expert doesn't mean you have to soil my blouse!" Her lame excuse for a joke was so pathetic that Todd sided with her. Then Cool Cara stamped her foot childishly because she had a crush on Todd.

Then Bob Benny gave Todd a black eye because he didn't believe in taking sides. But the final straw was when Deeny Dun pulled out Bob Benny's stolen corn knife and threatened to injure Marcy May for farting on her face.

Everyone shrieked and a finally a teacher came running. He interrogated them and then quoted to them some wise words proclaimed by the famous pop-star Giselle Lewis.

" 'The word friend stands for Patience, Acceptance and La-di-dah. The greatest acronym of all time'. It's my favourite quote."

So the triple F best friends forever club was saved. If Mr. Jacquard hadn't come, the school would have gone to pieces. Mr. Jacquard's wisdom and great memory saved us all.

The Famous Fabulous Five said sorry to each other and promised to always remember the acronym for friend:

Patience, Acceptance and La-di-dah. The greatest acronym of all time.

Reported by: Jasper Esmerelda Horace-Jones


(composed 29th Jan '09)