I've decided to discontinue my 'Odd' series. Reasons being mostly because it's rather stupid and foolish. I won't delete them but I'm telling you, you will not enjoy reading them.
That's all, have a nice day.
Locket
Once upon a time there was a girl whose name was Doris. She was a nice girl, with a pleasant countenance. A good friend and all that. She was just your average nice girl except for one thing. She had a terrible taste in men.
When she was just sixteen, she had met this guy who was around 18 years old. He seemed like an okay guy, but he was in reality an alcoholic. He drank beer everyday and reeked of body odour. Doris fell terribly in love with him.
He's cute and funny, she said. He's wonderful and kind, she said. She was wrong. He killed himself two weeks after he had met Doris due to insobriety in the kitchen.
When Doris was 19, she fell in love with a boy in her art class. He was 17 and very immature. Doris liked him because he was nerdy and 'cute'. So Doris was very kind to him. Too kind. He found out about her crush on him and he went mad after that. He killed all his father's cows and buried himself alive.
When Doris was 22, she had her first boyfriend. He was horrid. He was rich and snobby. He hated children and ate smoked octopi for dinner almost everyday. Doris was so madly in love with him that she didn't care that he hated her family.
People said that it was a good thing that he had gotten into a bar fight and got his face burnt off. He then died because the face transplant surgery was an utter failure.
One would think that Doris would have been mortally sad by now. But noooo. She had found a dude online who, after 6 'successful' online dates, had proposed marriage. Yes! she had said, without hesitation.
Her family pleaded with her. Refuse him now, they urged. He could be a serial killer! Doris ignored them. She was certain that she had found the one.
Doris went to the airport to meet him. He was tall and lanky and he smelled like old clothes. Doris hugged him and in five days they got married.
His name was Lance, and he was a weird person. He ate white bread for breakfast, salad for lunch, and a chicken drumstick for dinner. He didn't tell jokes, he didn't clean his messes, he bathed once a month.
Doris got awfully tired with him, but she put up with it. Then one day, he just disappeared from the face of the earth. No one could find him. (or was it that no one wanted to find him?)
Doris became lonely. She wanted someone to love and to cherish. Someone to pay her bills. Reluctantly, she went to find a job.
She found work at a boutique near her mother's house. There she met a charming young man named Jonny, who was extremely handsome.
He was an effeminate lad of about three and twenty years of age, terribly vain and remarkably rich. Doris was madly in love with him by the time he had browsed through three clothes racks. He had sparked her wild fancy and she hoped that he would be a regular customer.
The next day he came again, with a classy black handbag made out of silk roses sewn together. He bought some pairs of skinny jeans and a cream blouse from the plus size woman's section.
Doris loved his boldness. She could barely hold her excitement in when she was asked to serve him at the counter. "Cash or credit?" she asked, her voice octaves lower than normal.
Jonny smiled suavely, his beautiful white teeth visible. Doris nearly fainted. "Credit please." he said, his voice dripping with loveliness. Doris gulped and stared at him for a long time.
Jonny's smile was growing less happy. "Excuse me," he said to the other shop assistant (her name was Kristen, but that doesn't matter). "I want to buy these."
The latter looked at Doris and growled in anger. She begrudgingly went to serve Jonny and told her boss later. Doris got fired.
Doris was upset, but that wasn't going to deter her from seeing her beloved Jonny. She skulked around the boutique everyday to catch glimpses of the one her heart loved.
One day, about two weeks after Doris' job had been terminated, Jonny walked into the shop with not a designer handbag on his arm but a very beautiful woman. Doris was shattered. Who was this woman? Who gave her the right to hold Jonny's arm?
Doris was confused, and then furious. She burst out from the jeans rack and grabbed the woman's neck. Everyone screamed. Doris shook the woman madly and shouted in pure, unadulterated anger:
"YOU HORRID WOMAN! NO WAIT, I SHOULDN'T EVEN CALL YOU A WOMAN! YOU'RE SCUM! I HATE YOU FOR RUINING MY LIFE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
The woman fell to the floor in death. Doris laughed triumphantly and grabbed Jonny's arm. "You're mine!" she exclaimed.
Jonny screamed in fear and exited the shop in a great hurry. Unfortunately for him, Doris was still holding on to his arm. He screamed and screamed until Doris suddenly became deaf.
Doris fell to the ground, shocked at what had happened. Why couldn't she hear? Why weren't the birds singing? Why wasn't the melodious voice of Jonny in her ears?
Doris started to sob. Her life was meaningless already. She dragged herself to a nearby cliff, situated right next to the town for all emotional citizens' convenience, and she threw herself off.
The rocks at the bottom pierced through her skin and damaged Doris' skull. Her body was battered and bloody, but the piranhas soon cleared it up. Soon, all that was left was a golden key that sunk to the ocean floor.
No one saw it, no one knew about it, but it was a token, a charm of remembrance to the aquatic life, of the girl who knew nothing about common sense and died a would-be heroic death if not for the ridiculous nature of the passing away.
No one missed her, least of all Kristen.
Doris got awfully tired with him, but she put up with it. Then one day, he just disappeared from the face of the earth. No one could find him. (or was it that no one wanted to find him?)
Doris became lonely. She wanted someone to love and to cherish. Someone to pay her bills. Reluctantly, she went to find a job.
She found work at a boutique near her mother's house. There she met a charming young man named Jonny, who was extremely handsome.
He was an effeminate lad of about three and twenty years of age, terribly vain and remarkably rich. Doris was madly in love with him by the time he had browsed through three clothes racks. He had sparked her wild fancy and she hoped that he would be a regular customer.
The next day he came again, with a classy black handbag made out of silk roses sewn together. He bought some pairs of skinny jeans and a cream blouse from the plus size woman's section.
Doris loved his boldness. She could barely hold her excitement in when she was asked to serve him at the counter. "Cash or credit?" she asked, her voice octaves lower than normal.
Jonny smiled suavely, his beautiful white teeth visible. Doris nearly fainted. "Credit please." he said, his voice dripping with loveliness. Doris gulped and stared at him for a long time.
Jonny's smile was growing less happy. "Excuse me," he said to the other shop assistant (her name was Kristen, but that doesn't matter). "I want to buy these."
The latter looked at Doris and growled in anger. She begrudgingly went to serve Jonny and told her boss later. Doris got fired.
Doris was upset, but that wasn't going to deter her from seeing her beloved Jonny. She skulked around the boutique everyday to catch glimpses of the one her heart loved.
One day, about two weeks after Doris' job had been terminated, Jonny walked into the shop with not a designer handbag on his arm but a very beautiful woman. Doris was shattered. Who was this woman? Who gave her the right to hold Jonny's arm?
Doris was confused, and then furious. She burst out from the jeans rack and grabbed the woman's neck. Everyone screamed. Doris shook the woman madly and shouted in pure, unadulterated anger:
"YOU HORRID WOMAN! NO WAIT, I SHOULDN'T EVEN CALL YOU A WOMAN! YOU'RE SCUM! I HATE YOU FOR RUINING MY LIFE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
The woman fell to the floor in death. Doris laughed triumphantly and grabbed Jonny's arm. "You're mine!" she exclaimed.
Jonny screamed in fear and exited the shop in a great hurry. Unfortunately for him, Doris was still holding on to his arm. He screamed and screamed until Doris suddenly became deaf.
Doris fell to the ground, shocked at what had happened. Why couldn't she hear? Why weren't the birds singing? Why wasn't the melodious voice of Jonny in her ears?
Doris started to sob. Her life was meaningless already. She dragged herself to a nearby cliff, situated right next to the town for all emotional citizens' convenience, and she threw herself off.
The rocks at the bottom pierced through her skin and damaged Doris' skull. Her body was battered and bloody, but the piranhas soon cleared it up. Soon, all that was left was a golden key that sunk to the ocean floor.
No one saw it, no one knew about it, but it was a token, a charm of remembrance to the aquatic life, of the girl who knew nothing about common sense and died a would-be heroic death if not for the ridiculous nature of the passing away.
No one missed her, least of all Kristen.
Odd (3)
My phone rings. I grunt and answer it. "Hello?" I say. The other person on the line screams. I drop my phone. I can still hear screaming. I pick up the phone and speak into it.
"Nan? Why are you screaming?" I ask.
"A cockroach just ran past me! KYAAAAAAA there it is again! Kill it! Kill it! Oh yeah, hi Nadine."
"Oh okay, what's going on?"
"Did you hear-- EEEK! Kill it!"
"What??" I ask, intrigued.
"Wait, let me go to my room." I hear Nan run and a door opens and then closes.
"Okay, did you hear?"
"Whaaat??" I ask, impatient.
"Holly's got a boyfriend!" Nan squeals.
"WHAAT!"
"Yes! Oh my! I don't know how it happened."
"Why- Who- She- How- Where did you hear it?"
"Daryl told me."
"DARYL!? Your brother!?"
"Yes, apparently the boyfriend is a friend of his."
"YOUR BROTHER IS NINETEEN!"
"I KNOW RIGHT! WHY IS HOLLY WITH SUCH AN OLD GUY!?"
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"
"His name is Tony."
"UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
"He's cute."
"AIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHH!!"
"You scream too much. I'll see you in school."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Nan hangs up and I make a face. Oh this is horrid. How could Holly do such a thing? Without telling us? I grunt and get ready for school. When I go downstairs, I see Nan waiting for me on my porch. I say goodbye to my mother and go off with Nan.
"How could Holly be so betrayalistic? I am so angry with her." Nan fumes. I nod. "Tony. What a horrid creep. He's stolen Holly's brain!" I mutter.
When we arrive at school, I spot Holly sitting by herself under a tree. "Like why is she under a tree." Nan grumbles. We decide to ignore her, because we're miffed. Then Holly sees us.
"Hello!" she says to us, grabbing our arms. I look away, still ignoring her. "Like why are you having a boyfriend." Nan says to Holly. I look at Nan and frown.
Holly colours. "What?" she says. "A boyfriend!?" I turn to face her. "Hmm, Tony. Does that ring a bell??" I turn away and run into school. I am so T.O.ed.
At lunchtime Nan and Holly are sitting together. They wave me over and I sit down reluctantly. "Nadiiiine! Holly doesn't have a boyfriend!" Nan shouts. I look at Holly. She's blushing. Nan laughs. "It was all a misunderstanding," she says, swatting the air at me.
"You see, Tony's been sending Holly messages and asking her stuff because he likes her I think but anyway Holly doesn't like him so he was probably boasting to Daryl. I think Daryl's a twit for believing that retard." Nan wipes her mouth with a tissue paper and bites her sandwich.
Holly nods, her face still reddish-pink. She gives me her phone and tells me to look through the messages. I look and nod, concluding that Tony was and would probably always be a creep.
"Why are old guys so weird?" Nan says, licking mustard off her wrist. "They're twisted." Holly offers. I shrug. Nan scowls. "I'm going to tell my brother off for having such stupid friends. He's such a retard for making friends with such pig-headedness."
I sigh. "All guys are weird at some point. I suppose we shouldn't be so over-dramatic." Nan looks at me and rolls her eyes, but she stops raving.
Holly eats a cherry tomato from her bag of organic produce. I look at Nan. She's got a whole bag of sandwiches stuffed with chopped onions drenched in mustard. I look down at my cafeteria lunch and gag. Damp chicken nuggets, soggy fries and a bowl of artificially coloured ketchup grace my tray. I push it away and decide to bring my own lunch next time.
When school ends, Nan walks me home and I say goodbye to her. I hear my mother cooking. I go to the kitchen. "Hi ma." I say. She smiles at me, looking really happy.
"Your pa has finally employed someone to help him in the cafe." I smile. "That's good." I say. My mother grins. "Actually, he's from your school and I think he's quite nice." I am shocked, and I try to stop a hopeful thought of mine from growing.
"His name is--" The back door opens, cutting my mother off. "Oh, look, Nadine." my mother says. I look and nearly faint. My suspicion was correct.
"Nan? Why are you screaming?" I ask.
"A cockroach just ran past me! KYAAAAAAA there it is again! Kill it! Kill it! Oh yeah, hi Nadine."
"Oh okay, what's going on?"
"Did you hear-- EEEK! Kill it!"
"What??" I ask, intrigued.
"Wait, let me go to my room." I hear Nan run and a door opens and then closes.
"Okay, did you hear?"
"Whaaat??" I ask, impatient.
"Holly's got a boyfriend!" Nan squeals.
"WHAAT!"
"Yes! Oh my! I don't know how it happened."
"Why- Who- She- How- Where did you hear it?"
"Daryl told me."
"DARYL!? Your brother!?"
"Yes, apparently the boyfriend is a friend of his."
"YOUR BROTHER IS NINETEEN!"
"I KNOW RIGHT! WHY IS HOLLY WITH SUCH AN OLD GUY!?"
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"
"His name is Tony."
"UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
"He's cute."
"AIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHH!!"
"You scream too much. I'll see you in school."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Nan hangs up and I make a face. Oh this is horrid. How could Holly do such a thing? Without telling us? I grunt and get ready for school. When I go downstairs, I see Nan waiting for me on my porch. I say goodbye to my mother and go off with Nan.
"How could Holly be so betrayalistic? I am so angry with her." Nan fumes. I nod. "Tony. What a horrid creep. He's stolen Holly's brain!" I mutter.
When we arrive at school, I spot Holly sitting by herself under a tree. "Like why is she under a tree." Nan grumbles. We decide to ignore her, because we're miffed. Then Holly sees us.
"Hello!" she says to us, grabbing our arms. I look away, still ignoring her. "Like why are you having a boyfriend." Nan says to Holly. I look at Nan and frown.
Holly colours. "What?" she says. "A boyfriend!?" I turn to face her. "Hmm, Tony. Does that ring a bell??" I turn away and run into school. I am so T.O.ed.
At lunchtime Nan and Holly are sitting together. They wave me over and I sit down reluctantly. "Nadiiiine! Holly doesn't have a boyfriend!" Nan shouts. I look at Holly. She's blushing. Nan laughs. "It was all a misunderstanding," she says, swatting the air at me.
"You see, Tony's been sending Holly messages and asking her stuff because he likes her I think but anyway Holly doesn't like him so he was probably boasting to Daryl. I think Daryl's a twit for believing that retard." Nan wipes her mouth with a tissue paper and bites her sandwich.
Holly nods, her face still reddish-pink. She gives me her phone and tells me to look through the messages. I look and nod, concluding that Tony was and would probably always be a creep.
"Why are old guys so weird?" Nan says, licking mustard off her wrist. "They're twisted." Holly offers. I shrug. Nan scowls. "I'm going to tell my brother off for having such stupid friends. He's such a retard for making friends with such pig-headedness."
I sigh. "All guys are weird at some point. I suppose we shouldn't be so over-dramatic." Nan looks at me and rolls her eyes, but she stops raving.
Holly eats a cherry tomato from her bag of organic produce. I look at Nan. She's got a whole bag of sandwiches stuffed with chopped onions drenched in mustard. I look down at my cafeteria lunch and gag. Damp chicken nuggets, soggy fries and a bowl of artificially coloured ketchup grace my tray. I push it away and decide to bring my own lunch next time.
When school ends, Nan walks me home and I say goodbye to her. I hear my mother cooking. I go to the kitchen. "Hi ma." I say. She smiles at me, looking really happy.
"Your pa has finally employed someone to help him in the cafe." I smile. "That's good." I say. My mother grins. "Actually, he's from your school and I think he's quite nice." I am shocked, and I try to stop a hopeful thought of mine from growing.
"His name is--" The back door opens, cutting my mother off. "Oh, look, Nadine." my mother says. I look and nearly faint. My suspicion was correct.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)