Cucumbers

Once there was a morbidly self-obsessed girl named Opal. Tall, thin, and quite unstable, she had frequent dizzy spells and random fainting fits. She was quite scary in actuality. But then, this story isn't about her; no, it is about the curious man who lived next door.

His name was Oliver, a kind, quiet, even handsome sort of man. Or at least that was what he seemed like on the surface. No one really knew him. Even his surname and other particulars were not made known to the public.

He seemed friendly, but no one dared to call on him or even wave hello. He was kind, but rather threatening. No one felt easy around him, and some even speculated crime and drug usage to be in his past.

They were almost correct about Oliver's strange disposition, but in everything else they were very deadly wrong.

Oliver was actually the second-in-line prince of the land, who had come looking for a wife from a little town. Commoners attracted him, and he wanted to marry a sweet, responsible, frank woman with good character and a quite possibly a very beautiful face.

But then, these things are very hard to do, especially when you're an undercover prince in a foreign town where people think you're mentally deranged. It was difficult, but Oliver had learned to adapt to these naturally upsetting things.

Now Oliver, (whose real name was Henry Roberto Thomas John II) had been thinking about this girl named Georgiana, a rich girl with good prospects and a pleasant temperament to match. Georgiana was almost his dream girl.

Oliver had watched her go to school every morning, where she would go to teach the children English and sewing. Oliver loved her dark red hair, glittering green eyes, creamy complexion and tinkling laugh. All the normal fluffy stuff guys interest themselves in.

But she did have a pleasing figure and a lovely countenance. She was almost perfect, and Oliver was mad about her. He could never stop thinking about her. He wanted to marry her, but there was one downside to all his planned wooing. Everyone in town was afraid of him.

Oliver was so tempted to reveal his identity but that was a bit too risky. Maybe people would make false declarations of love or assume artificial friendships. Another downside to this would be the ensuing vanquishing of his freedom.

Oliver was quite stupid I suppose; he wasn't much of a planner, as this situation proves. Well anyway, Oliver finally decided to go ahead and court Georgiana. He wasn't sure how to do it, but he resolved that he should carry out this trying task.

So on the nearest morning of a school day, Oliver waited in his garden to greet his lovely lady. He spotted her from afar, and he so he quickly practiced some suave facial expressions. But alas! Opal, his neighbour, spotted him and went to ask him a question about vegetables.

"How do you get your tomatoes to be so red?" Opal asked, her monotonous voice scratching the insides of Oliver's ears.

"I don't grow tomatoes," Oliver stated quickly, turning his head so that he would be facing Georgiana when she came. But still, Opal was quite unaware of this.

"You grow capsicums," she said.
"Mm," Oliver said, glancing at the ground for a second.
"How do you grow those?" Opal asked.
"I don't know."
"But- they're in your garden."
"So they are."
"Are you going to tell me how you grow them are are you going to stare at Miss Georgiana the whole time?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"Mm."
"You like Miss Georgiana."
"Mm."
"You like Miss Georgiana?"
"Yes!" Impatiently.
"You like Miss Georgiana!"
"HAVEN'T WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THE FACT THAT I LIKE MISS GEORGIANA?!" Oliver screamed.

Georgiana looked at Oliver shyly before hurrying away, embarrassed. Oliver was extremely humiliated. He glared at Opal and stormed into his house.

His plans had failed, and Opal was to blame. His anger flamed as he stewed in his living room. Opal; stupid, asinine, interfering, careless Opal. He clenched his fists and punched his table.

Then he stood up and when to his room to contemplate his sorry life. It didn't do him any good. He was still angry, and he wanted to do something drastic. He sorted it out in his head, and he was very very sure that Opal would not get in the way of these plans.

So for the rest of the day, he tried on all his black tight clothes and finally found the right pair of jeggings and turtleneck. He looked kind of weird, but he was quite sure that no one would see him.

At 9 p.m., Oliver set out from his house and crept over to Georgiana's house. He knew her bedroom window and he peeked in. Georgiana was lying on her bed and writing in her diary. She was the kind of person who would read aloud whatever she wrote, so Oliver had the privilege of knowing what was on her mind.

"...It was very strange today, when I was walking to school and I heard Mr. Oliver declare that he likes me. I don't know what to make of that though. He is handsome and quite amiable, but he quite scares me. There's something so formidable about him. Also I don't know if Mamma would let me marry him, for he's so poor!" At this Georgiana closed her book and went to brush her hair.

Oliver sighed happily. He felt he had made the right choice. He felt so enamoured by Georgiana's innocent and truthful speech. He then remembered his plan, and he was justified in his heart. "I'm doing the right thing," he thought confidently.

He jumped off the tree he was sitting in and ran all the way back to his house. When he was in his garden he glanced at Opal's cottage and shuddered. "I'm doing the right thing," he told himself.

Oliver ran into his house and grabbed an axe, a shovel and a packet of chloroform wet wipes. He was very afraid about what he was going to do but he was very determined to carry out his task.

He ran out and in about 5 hours, he completed his task. His hands were very dirty and very bloody but it was worth it. He was shaking very hard. He hoped no one would be too angry with him. He dropped into his bed with a heavy heart, anxious about what people would say.

The next morning, he was woken up very early by a great knocking on his door. He rushed downstairs, half-asleep. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a very irate Opal.

"WHAT IS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND MISS GEORGIANA??" she demanded. Oliver peered outside and looked at his garden lawn. He couldn't help but laugh.

"YES, I WILL MARRY YOU!" were the words written across his lawn in broken branches and various leaves and roots.

"She must've hurt her delicate hands from all the cutting!" Oliver exclaimed, glancing at Opal's now bare lawn save for the glaringly obvious large brown holes of uprooted trees.

"You should be glad you didn't touch my pumpkins! Those are the only vegetables I can properly grow in my garden!" Opal shouted.

Oliver ignored her. Georgiana was now walking towards his house. He proceeded towards her and breaking out into a run, he broke out into a big smile.

Georgiana ran too, faster, until the two of them met together in a crushing embrace. "I don't care whether Mamma lets me marry you! I suddenly love you!" Georgiana declared. Oliver laughed and kissed her face, too intoxicated with excitement to care about his big secret anymore.

"Georgiana, I've got something to tell you," Oliver said. "What is it, dearest?" Georgiana asked, resting her head against his chest.

"I am not actually named Oliver," he said nervously. Georgiana looked at him, surprised. "I am truly Henry Roberto Thomas John the Second! I am the second in line for the throne!" Georgiana looked at him and laughed.

"Oh Oliver, I don't care! I'm just overwhelmed with my strange, overflowing love for you!" Georgiana exclaimed, in her frank, innocent way. Oliver laughed, his fears relieved. He kissed her again and they two of them embraced there in the middle of the road, ignorant and oblivious to the world outside their very own.

Opal stomped her foot at them and ran home, despairing over the present condition of her barely-thriving potatoes.

So I can safely say, with the exception of Opal and the landscape crew, they all lived quite sweetly ever after. The End.